5K today!

In just over three hours I am going to be running. I have to admit I'm both excited and nervous. It's really weird to think that I'm going to be running. I can't think of a point in my life I've ever enjoyed running, but somehow now it's almost fun. Shhhhh!

It kind of sucks knowing, I'm going to be the fat kid in the 5k, but at least I can make it. Gwen made a good point, she told me that anytime I feel awkward to think of all the people I know who wouldn't make it. As immature as it is, it does make me feel better.

The other day I was in the grocery store with a friend. She looked over at a tabloid and blurted something about how she couldn't understand why Kirstie Allie has so much trouble keeping the weight off. It occurred to me, at that point, that some people will never understand weight issues.

I'm fat because I enjoy eating more than I dislike being fat. I think that's the difference between people with eating disorders and those without. I don't hate being fat. I don't like it, but I'd rather be fat and eat what I enjoy than be thin and not eat carbs. I know how to diet, I know the effect it will have, but to me I'd rather be fat.

I'm working on finding a balance, and so far I'm doing better than my previous attempts. I had a balance, back in the day, and I've lost it. I'm about 75 pounds from a weight where I truly be content with the way I look. I'm okay if it goes slowly, as long as I keep moving in the right way. That's been the hardest part for me to understand. I doubt I'll ever be thin, but I don't want to be either. :)